1.31.2009

one day WoW and dance parties will combine and rule the world.

asian goth lolita;


but of course.
id place these all at bum height on my wall.

1.30.2009

why.

why would you put minced green edible pubes on her? an already heinous asian which has more rows of teeth than a shark?

like it's not bad enough that her body is shaped like a mangled chinese finger trap ironically, youre going to slap a bunch of unappealing flappy impotent sliced meats trailing down her body including more minced fuck-knows-what as a lil haystack over her belly button, WHICH FRANKLY is fine by me since belly buttons are 'hella ew'.

LEG UPDATE 09;

oh yeah, how could've i forgotten so easily,

i can now walk up stairs diagonally as though a pageant star.

eat your hearts out agile limbed faghats.
i like that facebook's ads are targeting me as a wide black athletic midget.

way to rub it in my face that i have a dislocated knee, assholes.

fuck you york west developments;


okay so the snow is being fucked and melting from my deck fully through the roof and ceiling conviniently into my kitchen/dining room, and actually just piddling like a toddler through my kitchen light fixture. PERFECT. so this picture is scaled down, but the more important question is why does it look like;

and thus reverting back to;

dear ossington station,

if you smell like farts one more time, i may seriously push someone into the oncoming subway.

1.29.2009

hundredth post.


every time i read aidsvertising my brain produces the cum of a million alpha males, then it's rapidly followed by the buyers remorse of a bad lay upon realization that i am merely the reader, and not the producer of this shit.

1.28.2009

weird.

i totally forgot the von bondies existed till about 3 seconds ago.

1.27.2009

speaking of sodomy...

learning to walk is literally , the most stupid thing ive EVER had to do in my life.

today was a big day; it was my first day without a leg brace nor crutches. LOOK MA. i went to work, the eaton centre, even the subway. i feel like when a dog does something completely idiotic and irrelevant and wants a cookie for it anyways. despite my sheer happiness over such an inane event, not only have i not fully abandonned my peg-legged teeter, but now have taken on a new cocky-old man swagger mixed up with the steadyness of someone balancing books on their head while tight-rope walking, which can only be confused as walking around town being sodomized by a pop can.


this picture may or may not depict sodomy, or maybe just snakey blowjobs. nice speed handles on the right. that one woman's fiercely pointy left tit isnt doing much for me right now.

i seriously cant believe the massive snowballing of events following this stupid knee dislocation. come over, pay 5$ and watch the freak show, i'll walk across my house for you.

1.26.2009

fuck you aretha franklin.

there, i said it. take that black queen of soul, i hope your giant bedazzled hat burns in hell. fashion my ass ! inauguration or not, that thing stinks. rosa parks would never wear such a thing !

or maybe she would...













...waaaaaaaaaaaaaait, a second.


editors note; tiger woods would be here if a woodchuck could chuck wood, and wore anything other than nike caps, EVER. bigups to oprah and kanye for being too smart to be busted with a goofy hat. also irritating is that kanye is now known as 'martin louis the king jr.'

what.

but i digress.

here are two of my most hated things,

the hat, with a cameo appearance from ellen.

WORST.
of course this smug asian would think otherwise.

of course.

in other news,
my cat is a pervert.

thanks lionel.

somehow this makes the cute list...

things that are yarn that i hate...

1.24.2009

"Joanna Rytel is a swedish artist. She has celebrated the birthday of her aborted child, sabotaged the Miss Sweden competition on live television and stripped for monkeys."

i feel as though her artist bio is the only one that rivals mine.

1.22.2009

i can has a puppy plz.


some people will never learn.

futile.

6 letters that sum up my life impeccably right now.

the way people get seasonal affective disorder; i've got the most serious case of exercise withdrawals. the lack of gyming and biking in my life is only magnified by the fact that i can barely walk. i can hardly maneuver myself around normally let alone not partake in all my usual extracurricular activities.

debt is only increased at this point because all the money i devote solely to paying off debt is getting usurped by taxi cabs right now. being my most dependable and most vampiric mode of transportation is honestly the worst. a lack of kneecaps means a lack of biking which means utmost dependency on transit of any type. groan.

accompanying my deflating personality is my utmost distaste for my job right now.

okay, so i nudge a couple more elbows this year, promote a few more accounts, push a couple more visas... where does that even get me? everything goes by unappreciated and unnoticed at work. hell, i received top customer service rep for a quarter last year without even trying. right now i'm starting off already exceeding my goals, but what's the point though? doubled, tripled, not at all, deaf mute, broken knee. i'm not even grateful for job security anymore. it's like rubbing one out at the sperm bank and then expecting a high five. if i wasn't on ground level, the urge to throw a pop bottle of marbles through the window might be too satisfying these days.


i couldnt bring myself to delete this long written moan this time, however i am entirely positive that all my problems could be cured by a bite of falafel right about now though.

1.17.2009

4 syllables,

rooftop hot tub.



best blackout ever.

1.09.2009

remember when i used to look like this?

yeah, guaged septum boogers.

fun.

forensics be jammin a brotha up.

remember the time that belladonna143 from miami on InkedNation.com had the same tattoos as me as though they were done by an Easter Seals child who got ahold of some crayons?






yea, i mad.

guess that makes sense seeing as i've been in a fleet of tattoo magazines, but still. wow.

1.08.2009


i'm so turned on right now.

it's lunch time.

1.07.2009

yesterday i had my first day of rehab treatment for my leg.
yep, a full hour of muscle isolations, thigh clenching, toe pointing, butt squeezing exercises.

basicly a very PG-rated, hospital themed, made-for-tv porno.

i also made friends in the waiting room this time, im sure you could imagine how thrilled i was with some pink bandana-ed assclown sharing incident stories , and a third party bill cosby as the peanut gallery.
this is the visual stimuli equivalent of 'a case of the mondays'

i'm having my sixth consecutive day of 'gypsy leather' it seems.

1.06.2009

i've seen the future of makeup and it sucks

so i've been really poor and run out of makeup, like seriously wearing leftover odds and ends of shades lighter and darker from when i was albino and when i lived in laguna beach type shit. we're talking here about 8 months not having bought makeup. SERIOUS BIZ.

i made my way to the Bay the other day to get my usual mascara from Estee Lauder, and on the way i see this add from Lancome about oscillating mascara.

now, you've got to be kidding me...i have enough hatred for vibrating shavers, because not only do i think they don't work, but because i BELIEVE THEY DON'T WORK. but out of all the things to be scratching your brain to improve, and you choose A VIBING MASCARA HEAD??!? FOR SHAME LANCOME. WHY NOT A VIBRATING HAT TO MASSAGE YOUR HAIR AND TO EXFOLIATE YOUR SCALP TO PRODUCE A FULLER HEAD OF BULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIT. WAIT THERE IS A US PATENT FOR ONE ALREADY. FUCK THIS. I'M OUT.

so i get to the Estee Lauder counter, and low and behold my mascara of preference, has now been vibed. AWESOME. FOR SHAME ESTEE.


really? that's what the people want? vibrating mascara? out of everything you've ever wanted out of makeup, and all your could pluck out of your wildest dreams was a wiggling mascara applicator??! nothing really actually futuristic and jetsons like involving water, a pill, and a robust curvy robot? nothing effortlessly applied to your face to give you the glamourous version of yourself that you could never be? no one time application to give you the best skin always forever always? instead the brain child produced is a dildo hybrid for you to wiggle dangerously close to your eyes?

WICKED.

get ready world, i'm making this,

i'll worry about how it's going to apply makeup later.

1.05.2009

dukes up.


zooey deschanel vs. katy perry.


cutest sock 'em bop 'em match ever.

edit:
justincopp@justincopp.com: i for one would welcome a zooey deschanel vs katy perry pillowfight which would lead to accidentally making out as i've been led to believe such things always wind up going
rockstarjamboree: i would eat pussy for the first time.

1.04.2009

dear twitter,

it doesn't matter that i hate the concept of you,

you have the cutest error message ever and that's all that matters.

BEST.

this enables me to have sweetdreams at night.

1.03.2009

no biggie. they're just taking out real-live nature terms from the dictionary which are more rare and replacing them with more modern technology-related terms.

i'm pissed.
apparently burger king is releasing a beef scented body spray.

set the mood no matter what mood youre in the mood for. with a slogan like that, it's hard to argue.

honestly, im not even mad. i'm actually almost impressed that they continued through with the production of this. mind you, i'd be a little bit more disturbed at this if i had actual contact with it, let's say if a boyfriend wore this repeatedly. with the occurance of frequent barbeques in the summer, granted; less suspicous. but in the dead of winter, when im being amourous with someone who smells like a whopper, thats a tad far.

I REALLY WISH I COULD SMELL LIKE MY FAVOURITE FOOD.


that'd make my online profiles a helluvalot better if anything.

liking whoppers, fine. a little gross, but fine.

but keep in mind, if it looks like a whopper, and smells like a whopper;

it probably is a whopper.
without all the added iranian drama, i really wish i could've earned the title - the blogfather.

i'm on a diet, i'm trying to cut back on iranian drama.

1.02.2009

womanizer.

car bash crash: "Me either. I think the cosmos are out of wack. Hopefully Malibu is more PEACEFUL"
rockstarjamboree: you love caps.
car bash crash: I do
car bash crash: It helps me express myself
rockstarjamboree: it stresses me out.
rockstarjamboree: i'm really into cottage CHEESE
rockstarjamboree: what.
rockstarjamboree: whats going on.
car bash crash: ok i didn't say the peaceful thing in caps!
car bash crash: i didnt
rockstarjamboree: sure.
car bash crash: i just did it in caps on here
car bash crash: i swear
rockstarjamboree: whatever.
car bash crash: i have no idea why i did it in caps
rockstarjamboree: no wonder she hates you already.
car bash crash: i am so serious
car bash crash: dude
car bash crash: be nice
car bash crash: seriously
car bash crash: this is a very sensitive subject
rockstarjamboree: pussy.
rockstarjamboree: i know.
rockstarjamboree: this is IMPERATIVE
rockstarjamboree: i get it.
car bash crash: I just love women
rockstarjamboree: theres a song about you you know
car bash crash: ????
car bash crash: Born To Be Wild?
rockstarjamboree: Womanizer, Woman-Womanizer
You're a womanizer,
Oh womanizer, Oh you're a womanizer, baby
You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer
car bash crash: hahahahah


rockstarjamboree: GO TO BED.
car bash crash: uuuuughhhhhh
car bash crash: ok but
rockstarjamboree: no.
car bash crash: should i not worry about this Angelika girl?
car bash crash: honestly
car bash crash: should i not worry about her
rockstarjamboree: i'm just going to keep on spamming this womanizer song as advice from this point on.
car bash crash: Answer me
car bash crash: now
car bash crash: I mean I'm eating Marshmellows
car bash crash: the tiny kind
car bash crash: and everything
rockstarjamboree: Lollipop
Must mistake me as a sucker
To think that I
Would be a victim not another
Say it, play it how you wanna
But no way I'm ever gonna fall for you, never you, baby
car bash crash: ummmmm
car bash crash: Jen
car bash crash: I need words of wisdom
car bash crash: thank you
rockstarjamboree: Womanizer, Woman-Womanizer
You're a womanizer,
Oh womanizer, Oh you're a womanizer, baby
You, you, you are
You, you, you are
Womanizer, womanizer, womanizer
car bash crash: JEN
car bash crash: I need words of WISDOM
rockstarjamboree:
Daddy-O
You got the swagger of a champion
Too bad for you
Just can't find the right companion
I guess when you have one too many, makes it hard
It could be easy, who you are, that's just who you are baby
car bash crash: whatever
car bash crash: suck my dick
rockstarjamboree: XOXOXOOXOXOXOX
car bash crash: BYE
car bash crash: cunt
car bash crash: such a cunt

omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.
omfg.

paul blart - mall cop


i'm sure i'll segway my way to this movie asap. i'd have actually killed myself had i been given a segway in lieu of crutches during this incident.

thankfully the holiday season has given me enough ammo to distance myself from the increased grumpiness due to my crippled leg. rehab starts on the 6th, happiness levels to increase then.

billy mays endorses 2009.

another year gone,
i can't think of a single instance in which i'm overcome with sadness at year end r.i.p. 2008, you had some good times, but you are better left behind. it seems as though even though the year is filled with the best of times and the worst of times, most of the damage is done at the end of the year and that's the sour taste left in my mouth. goodbye to 2008 and your dislocated kneecaps, i'll see you in hell with Auld Lang Syne.

this year, im starting 2009 off nice and proper with zorb-beez.

coffee ! soda ! even red wine !

spew ! discharge ! quarts of cum !

thankfully billy mays here has had enough coke to keep his gums flapping with the most loud obnoxious sales dribble ever for three minutes straight. wait, its not interesting, he's just on coke. billy mays is the infomercial world's loud white man version of samuel l jackson - willing to do anything as long as he gets to yell. sadly enough, i own the orange glo product. it's pretty dece, its just a glorified american swiffer with the lovable charm of mr. clean that came for free.



zorb-eez, the distant cousin of the fuzzy-frump-body-sack otherwise known as the snuggie, or slanket, sneaks into the fuzzy hate filled category with ease. zorb-eez, summed up as a bright orange crud wiping shammy with a witty urban mispelt take on its wowing absorption powers.

easy absorption? absorpies? spilly-asshole-shammy-cloth? fuzzy-made-for-tv-normal-handcloth? billy-mays-cum-rag?

i don't know.

time to wipe up 2008's shit stain,

welcome 2009, make yourself at home.