billy mays endorses 2009.

another year gone,
i can't think of a single instance in which i'm overcome with sadness at year end r.i.p. 2008, you had some good times, but you are better left behind. it seems as though even though the year is filled with the best of times and the worst of times, most of the damage is done at the end of the year and that's the sour taste left in my mouth. goodbye to 2008 and your dislocated kneecaps, i'll see you in hell with Auld Lang Syne.

this year, im starting 2009 off nice and proper with zorb-beez.

coffee ! soda ! even red wine !

spew ! discharge ! quarts of cum !

thankfully billy mays here has had enough coke to keep his gums flapping with the most loud obnoxious sales dribble ever for three minutes straight. wait, its not interesting, he's just on coke. billy mays is the infomercial world's loud white man version of samuel l jackson - willing to do anything as long as he gets to yell. sadly enough, i own the orange glo product. it's pretty dece, its just a glorified american swiffer with the lovable charm of mr. clean that came for free.

zorb-eez, the distant cousin of the fuzzy-frump-body-sack otherwise known as the snuggie, or slanket, sneaks into the fuzzy hate filled category with ease. zorb-eez, summed up as a bright orange crud wiping shammy with a witty urban mispelt take on its wowing absorption powers.

easy absorption? absorpies? spilly-asshole-shammy-cloth? fuzzy-made-for-tv-normal-handcloth? billy-mays-cum-rag?

i don't know.

time to wipe up 2008's shit stain,

welcome 2009, make yourself at home.

No comments: