this popped up in a facebook ad on my page.
i don't know whether this makes me mad or glad yet,
but i want one.
i just chuckled at how amusing the post labels/filters were on my blog.

i swear to god i'm going to sleep now.

it's three am, do you know where your jenjen is.

i am making a list
and checking it twice,
things which are banished to the island of misfit toys is what it will comprise.

it's like the axis of evil of the holiday season, the axis of scrooge if you will;

(don't worry, youre safe here.)
past, present, and future inductees include
- my mother
- dickies
- that time of the month; christmas itself
- two kittens pooing in one litter box at once
- camel toes up close and personal at the gym
- snuggies
- all children ever*
- licorice
- cilantro
- russell oliver
- papercuts
- payless shoes and their bogo event. bogo? NO GO.
- wet snow flurries WHAT THE HELL TORONTO
- gilbert gottfried

i do realise there is a conflict of interest here, because everyone starts off as children. as a result, i am adding to the axis of scrooge 'the acknowlegement of everyone starting off as children at one point in time'. ignorance will never be added to the list.


whoa thinspiration whaddup?

big hair nation im down.
whoa. i actually haven't wanted a gaming console nor to play video games for long time until tonight after having seen ads for left 4 dead, and mortal kombat vs dc universe.

i've decided that my next self indulgence will be you xbox 360.

coming from the person who has a sega genesis hooked up in her room lightly dusted, and the last game i actually got stoked about was tony hawk on n64, this is a huge deal.
theres only a handful of games i get riled up over, hell i haven't even played rockband/guitar hero yet. half of it is the being raised by a tecno-phobic asian mother, half of it is my complete disregard and unwillingness for anything which requires as much physical stamina as dance dance revolution.
this only sucks because the timing of this all. i've totally been had by the excess of christmas toy commercials that have been pumping out of my tv lately. what sucks even more is that i'm not a doe-eyed kid hoping or nagging for this to arrive on xmas day. i'll be more leering and squinty eyed as ever handing over 300 for the system, and another presumably 60 bucks apiece for the two games i want. on the plus side for the holidays, if i order it online i get four bonus games i don't want or need!

don't question the value of receiving for free things you dont want. value !


in a perfect world

this is my mate,

and under this is where we practice procreating.
i am my own aggressor.


placed above the importance of fitness, health, and well-being i think that the biggest pro about the new yuppie 24 hr gym i've found by my house is the large number of exceptional sweatpant butt and dick contours.


you're outta my highchair, i'm outta your womb.

angelina jolie.

whoa solid babe. no? then you hate her right? wait, do you hate her because of her babe status, the dreamboat husband, the defined facial features, the hot bod, the perfect embodiment of a gaming character, her goodwill ambassador of the friggen universe status, the progressive good looks of someone that's pushing fourty which is generally destined for distinguished grey charming older gentlemen? or is it the fact that she's the most fertile woman in the world.

wait, let me guess. it's the fact that she looks good in a lime jello wig isn't it.

personally, i don't care. if angelina could just keep on pumping out children like the dumpy baby factory that she is, and actually just take up the alloted quota of babies born in the world ever... well fuck, slap me upside the head and call me a juggalo cause id high five her and her accomplice's super sperm.

so for all the sterile women in the world, not only is she the object of their envy because no one can adopt a baby quicker than ms jolie. she may possibly be able to adopt a child from across the world quicker than you can sneeze. that's baby acquiring at 100mph ! but no, she's not even sterile. shes actually the most fertile woman in the world. she's just delivered 2 natural births in july (making a regulation size NBA team) but mere months later, she's already got something up her sleeve, and by sleeve , i mean wizzard sleeve, which is actually up her uterus. GROSS.

angelina jolie is officially fetus-licious.


because i felt the need to fill the required ja rule quota.


dear new jersey,

why must you call solely at 6:30am when i mistake you as a cleverly disguised alarm clock.

i hate you,
use your hands ! use your remote, read a book, use your laptop, enjoy a snack, kill a goat, eat a dick, cum a lot, sneeze four times, wipe your nose.

the snuggie? the snuggie??! SERIOUSLY? wasn't it bad enough for them to make it the inbred cousin of a shriners robe? most cults wont even wear these because it makes the punch look less fruity in comparison, but to top it all off with naming it the snuggie?

surely we can sympathize on how idiot-pouch-with-sleeve-sies, or dumpy-frump-sack, selfheated-dipstick-blankie, and warm-faggot-cocoon* were already taken, so snuggie was the perfect family safe pg-13 name.

twenty seconds in, not only have i gotten the jist of it and want it to stop, i've also grown to hate it, and want to seek out the inventors burn their pubes, jersey them, then slap them upside the head. why? because this product is brings me the senseless rage thats associated with other generally fuzzy coincidentally fleece-related items such as the-lazy-person-expensive-coaster,

and the balls-deep-in-love-glove.

being on the internet is one thing, because everything is on the internet. for example, return back to my previous post showcasing the summit of idiocy; extreme potheads flaunting it. can you imagine my complete shock at seeing this ad in between programs on TLC ?! whoa. tlc. i KNOW, with all your quality programming like marathons on end about crazy brides, i cant deny that i've been sneaking in thoughts of a sleeved blanket, now if only it came in a rusty menstrual red colour. PERFECT.

*don't worry, no homosexuals were injured during the testing of the warm-faggot-cocoon.
i ate enough rice to put me into my second trimester last night.


i think one top reasons for hating babies so much, is that they're akin to bluetooths in the manner that once theyve fallen asleep, someone talking to themselves on the street looks just as crazy.


i think this is one of the funniest pictures i've ever seen online, ever. he's from toronto, so im sure he'll manuver his e-self over here eventually. i hope.

hey, you're offensively into ferrets and weed in a manner that's altogether too close for comfort. sup guy?

i hate pot culture so much. pot? fine. friends that smoke pot? fine. friends that own a drug rug? well, kinda iffy territory. friends that have pot computer desktops, bong centerpieces, pot related internet layouts/skins/cursors, pot leaf magnets, magazines focused on pot, and that find this girl hot?

not friends.

i'm dreading further image searching this because there is no way i could possibly fathom the reasoning behind any of it at all. seeing stonerculture unravel in front of my eyes is the worst dead-sober trip i'll ever have. when a drug gives you a bad trip, it leaves you hesitant to give it another try, if something during a perfectly normal day happens that makes me toapprehensive,
i kill myself.

after all my pot head and hippy stoner roomates i've had in a small lifetime, i'm entirely surprised im still alive.

being too immersed into stonerculture, is like the epicentre of retards. have you any idea the sheer irritation faced with having your birthday on april twentieth, and half the happy birthday wishes received being followed by "wahooooaaa four twenty !!!!"

on girls gone weed, you dont even choose what kinda hawties you're checking out but what 'dem hawties r smokin'. whether bong hits, joints & blunts, clouding around, or glass pipes be your slut's activity of choice. AWESOME !

i guess if you can't beat em, you might as well join em,

takin hauls in their own stewed self made bong water in the tub.

rick ross, you are a man amongst men. and by men i mean fools and idiots.

one can only hope you never breed, and that your seed is kept quarantined from the world along with your taste in jewelery.


i'm exceptionally grumpy today.

it doesn't help that not only did someone bring in their WII system so that we could play bowling as our morning meeting to hype up the fundraiser bowlathon tonight, but my first customer of the day was a man who as the weather increases, as does his booger-fu-manchu.

both of these cause a poison ivy effect on my brain.

...good mornin' !


i just demolished a large tub containing 700ml of yogurt at an alarming rate.

for those wondering, that's the precise amount of yogurt to cockblock you from burping for the rest of the night.

my life is ruthless.



for my cat bibs' introduction to the internet, the wasian paparazzo catches him in the act, not impressed, and not caring.

how embarassing. what a filthy lil slut, eatin that thing out like that. no manners. no manners at all. bad bibs.


auschwitz for your nose.

mothballs are essentially small balls of chemical pesticide from hell used to keep away bugs, snakes, mice, pests, OR EVERYONE.

it utterly baffles me how after a certain age, asian women start to deteriorate and pickle in their own smell, which ironically is the exact precise smell of mothballs !

today i had a mother-son combo, another case of "FUCK WHO LET ME GET ALL THESE BANK ACCOUNTS I DONT NEED". it escalated to an infuriating transaction which lasted half an hr too long, leading up to the deterioration of my nose cartilage.

If you decide to start back home, turn to page 4.
If you decide to wait, turn to page 5.

is it entirely queer that i can't wait to workout on my lunch today?

i don't know why moreso today than any other day, i think im just eager to undo all the fat-slob-ery i've been up to lately.

unfortunately working out has never been my problem, as much the act of actually eating well. the pizza diet, the all you can eat cookie coma, the snack nap attack fitness regime, the im-up-early-enough-for-mcdonalds-breakfast-gutrot, dont worry guys, i've taken one for the team and tried them all.

next up is tackling running on a regular basis instead of begrudgingly going once a month. it would really help if the sight of my running pants didnt make my eyes queef.



with every consecutive successful google image search i do, i secretly become more and more disheartened that someone else beat me.
'We need brain for find something,'" she said.
whoa caveman brains zombie journalist. settle down.

no news is good news.

so , i've always been a longstanding hater of the news in general.

but today especially because while in limbo pre-movie post-work, i had picked up a copy of the Toronto Sun while killing time in starbucks .

for yous that don't know of the old-enough-to-know-better child, who got his x-box taken away on thanksgiving due to playing too much Call of Duty and has recently been found dead in the woods by deer hunters story, theres the jist of it. okay, i don't mean to sound like more of an excessive douchebag than normal, but when your son is found after such a rediculous series of events, you are not allowed be quoted as saying "THERE IS NO GOD" and "WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO MY BEAUTIFUL SON". do you even remember how mad you were at your idiotic beautiful son on the night you took away his video games? you caused this with normal parenting, and because of your sons poor judgement skills, and being incapable of coping with normal situations, and just plain ol' fucked up. i don't know. its just a shaken popbottle's worth of anger thats been brewing in my mind the past 6 hrs.

Hmmm. i mean, sure, anything that ends in death... usually not good. it's a given that obviously it does suck that after such a rediculous series of events, a month later your child his body is dead of still unconfirmed events. i dont care. your son fucked up, and the consequence was death. god evened out the herd by making your weaker link obsolete. 0wned.

followed up by this was a small column, saying how they were going to rid the city of basketball hoops because basketball courts are essentially breeding grounds for drug dealers. people were quoted as "they dont even play basketball" and "they bring their stereo and play loud music and deal drugs at night". naturally as you can see the root of all evil is the basketball hoops themselves. i mean, brainstorming from that train of though on it's own, why don't we just rid ourselves of visible ethnic minorities, or weeds. because what all drug activity has in common, that on the basketball court pavement on which they stand, all the cracks, all have weeds. weeds are the base of drug activity. weeds are a gateway plant.

weeds are a gateway plant.


harro, you like ne-ka-lass.

this is essentially my mother.


i beat the national post by ten minutes !

but fine, so they may have said a few more words, and uploaded it properly to a legit site. petty details. whatever.

more petty details? i've hotlinked their image. no biggie.

alright, i've shit out too many senseless posts in one day, im calling it a night and leaving this jetson shit to the left winged CNN obamas of the world.




why wouldn't you vote for an award winning smile? why isnt obama in crest commercials to start with.



he's like the american jean chretien.

hell obama even has a great hairline to boot !
if girls are crazy, imagine how crazy the girls who chose to be with girls are.

that's a whole new world of pain.

you've gotta sink, gotta sink, gotta sink to swim.

most notably as of lately, im horribly balls deep into Cursive's The Ugly Organ all over again which is like the bermuda triangle of fav albums for me, because although it came out in 2003, once i break it out, i can listen to nothing but it on loop forever.

also, out of pure rage because of last night's events and repeatedly asking people if they knew of this "board game that was like a yellow rectangle with these rubber band things on the outside to bounce off of, and it was like, metal marbles with rings of saturn things around them like bumper car style..."

but alas, i am not crazy. after sounding like a complete twit, and doing the most vague google searches ever,

EAT MY DUST. i don't really remember the point of the game, or why it was so hard to whip ball bearings around the corner off of rubberbands to score points. but at least im rest assured that my azn mother didnt put marbles in a tissue box and shake them around as a toy for degenerate only children everywhere.

this was a rambling post out of spite.

file under useless.

speaking of useless old toys from the 80s...

welcome once more to my personal hell.
not only the sheer frustration of not properly doing it, but once having acquired the devolutionary skill to do so, you are instantly rewarded for your relentless efforts by having a repetitive irritating noise, at the facility of your own fingertips ! RAGE.


britney vs. christina.

in convinient condensed week apart version.

one loves repeating more, the other just found these wacky new colour edits on photoshop. both love dressing up ! being a girl is so fun !

fine, you win.