the bastard child of Clearly Canadian beverages never to be seen again; orbitz is the angler fish of the drink world.


OH WHATS THIS TASTY LIL THANG FLOATIN AROUND NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

OH WHOOPS, YOUR TASTEBUDS JUST COMMITTED A SUICIDE BOMBING, NO BIGGIE.

secretly i wish that the angler fish had evolved into a land creature. it would surely weed out the feeble people who fell for its dangly lil temptation only to be eaten by some jagged toothed human. then again , who am i to mock the unothodontis-ized folk.


ohhhhhhhhhh 1996 the year of the tickle me elmo, this weak beverage may as well have been made from tiny tufts of elmo which had strayed from when desperate parents got in fist fights in department stores for these toys. how maniacal.

i would like to take a second to give a bigups to the guy who warped the tickle-me-elmo's voice box to say twisted un-elmo like things. GO FORTH YOUNG MAN AND BRING LAUGHTER TO THE DISHEARTENED.

not only can i not picture having kids, but after the miracle of me having a child, i could not picture myself needing a toy so bad as to hurt another person for it. i mean, hurting another person yes, maybe even hurting them with a toy, but going in for the kill with the toy as the trophy? come on.

give me a sash and we'll talk.