i'll be the first to confess, i'm a complete scrooge. i'll take any accusations in stride. i loathe christmas with my entire being because 99% of it is comprised of things i hate. i think the most painful part of the entire christmas season is the constant web of lies i create leading up to christmas just because it's easier then explaining anything, specifically at work when every second question from customers becomes "what're your big christmas plans!???"
being balls deep in the immediate post-halloween-pre-empty-walleted christmas season brings the usual christmas agenda; the giving of cards, the lack of family, the hiding, the denial of christmas, the avoidance of christmas, the christmas day day-long slumber. this year may bring me a joint anti-traditional-christmas-hangout i believe, although i am worried that old habits die hard.
i've been giving myself more daily tlc brain time to stop and think about things, my brain wanders well. most of this time usually happens while decked out in spandex on an elliptical machine of sorts because gyming is the best thing to clear my mind, ever. i'm trying to get back to the peak fitness i had achieved last march-ish before patio season kicked in - the time of year where the seasons change, flowers and love blossom, and i con myself into thinking that nachos and beer are all the nourishment i need for 6 meals a day. i digress, i've been thinking long and hard about family, or my lack thereof. half by choice, half not; family is a weird word. friends as family is what i believe. i don't know if it was brought on by americanized thanksgiving the other day or just trying to tap into a pure source of christmas spirit, but i am thankful a million times over for all my friends who have been there for me, and all the ones who haven't but have meant well for the most part. you're all the family i'll ever need.
i'm not saddened by my lack of blood relatives, but just twice as appreciative of the family i've accumulated over the years not forced upon by blood, but by bonds far thicker.
i don't intend on pushing any of my scrooge-o-tology beliefs on anyone , i apologize if that's what this translates to. i promise to not be perma-crabby for the next month, i'll bite my tongue when anyone is gloating about wishlists or received gifts, just don't expect me to be the first to fight to put tinsel on the tree.
i keep on getting called fat and poor at work and all i can think of is how i've silent deathed my mother to avoid this.
then again, life could be worse im sure.