11.18.2008

use your hands ! use your remote, read a book, use your laptop, enjoy a snack, kill a goat, eat a dick, cum a lot, sneeze four times, wipe your nose.

the snuggie? the snuggie??! SERIOUSLY? wasn't it bad enough for them to make it the inbred cousin of a shriners robe? most cults wont even wear these because it makes the punch look less fruity in comparison, but to top it all off with naming it the snuggie?

surely we can sympathize on how idiot-pouch-with-sleeve-sies, or dumpy-frump-sack, selfheated-dipstick-blankie, and warm-faggot-cocoon* were already taken, so snuggie was the perfect family safe pg-13 name.

twenty seconds in, not only have i gotten the jist of it and want it to stop, i've also grown to hate it, and want to seek out the inventors burn their pubes, jersey them, then slap them upside the head. why? because this product is brings me the senseless rage thats associated with other generally fuzzy coincidentally fleece-related items such as the-lazy-person-expensive-coaster,

and the balls-deep-in-love-glove.



being on the internet is one thing, because everything is on the internet. for example, return back to my previous post showcasing the summit of idiocy; extreme potheads flaunting it. can you imagine my complete shock at seeing this ad in between programs on TLC ?! whoa. tlc. i KNOW, with all your quality programming like marathons on end about crazy brides, i cant deny that i've been sneaking in thoughts of a sleeved blanket, now if only it came in a rusty menstrual red colour. PERFECT.

*don't worry, no homosexuals were injured during the testing of the warm-faggot-cocoon.

4 comments:

mr.jr said...

i know what you need for christmas... the most squeezable, huggable cult robe ever

Brandon said...

I can't decided which is worse, The Snuggie for having such kkkool infomercial, or the slanket, for being a sleeve blanket hybrid.

Fuck this.

Sean Farris said...

this rant is definitely of epic david cross proportions. well played jen... well played.

now come out tomorrow night. no bullshit.

seafoam said...

The Snuggie just tossed your blog into a whole new dimension. I'm not sure but I think it's the same one that orbs come from. Keep the smiles coming.